Miscarriage is a touchy subject for many good reasons. Most of the women I speak to had a big deal miscarriage and have lost a part of their heart and won’t ever feel complete again. On rare occasions I will meet someone who had a miscarriage very early in pregnancy so it was only like a heavy period and she had her cry and moved on. I fall into both categories.
In the latter category- After my first miscarriage, the big one- the main one I ever talk about IF I talk about it, I had two other small ones. The small ones were the kind that my body simply couldn’t hold on to because of my then unknown underlying thyroid issue, and my body lost them within the first few weeks. I had my cry and moved on. But…
In the former category- I know I had a little person inside me with a spirit and a name. A fact that very few people acknowledge. His name is Iordain (Jordan) Wolfe Scott and he already had features so very similar to his big brother’s that I bet they could have looked like twins. He had 10 fingers, 10 toes, a cute face, and everything he would have needed to survive and live a beautiful life… except for the womb strong enough to sustain him. He would have had 3 sisters and a brother and parents who love and cherish him. Relatives who would have known as I know just how special his soul is.
This past weekend marks his 2 year birthday. Not of his due date, but of his actual birth (my loss). It came and went quietly with only me to mark it. He should have been mine. There should have been a party and decorations and balloons. He should have gotten a cake and presents and hugs from his adoring family. If only.
Some day, I believe, the time lost will be made up for through the power of the resurrection of our Savior. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is what helps me hold together the pieces of my broken heart for now.
Until then, I look forward to the day when he will be reunited to his adoring mommy once more.